


The Pen Hadn't Been Worth Stealing

by SparkleDragons



Series: TAZ Snippets [4]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Random Generator Prompt, it doesn't go well, lucretia's 50th birthday, lup and taako argue like siblings constantly, surprise taako secretly cares about people, taako wants to steal, takes place during stolen century
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 03:26:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14608257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SparkleDragons/pseuds/SparkleDragons
Summary: Taako tries to steal a pen. Taako gets arrested. It's Lucretia's birthday.





	The Pen Hadn't Been Worth Stealing

**Author's Note:**

> Generator used to get the first line: http://writingexercises.co.uk/firstlinegenerator.php

The pen hadn’t been worth stealing. The gods were really against Taako today. Really. He just wanted to do one nice thing for Lucretia’s birthday. They didn’t celebrate those much anymore. But she was technically fifty now and they’d all agreed to still try for the big ones.

So when he’d seen the metallic blue and silver fountain pen, shining with material unique to this plane he thought it’d be the perfect thing. Problem was it costed about 400 of what ever goes for currency in this place. He wasn’t gonna be able to pawn off old junk from his room worth that much.

It wasn’t like it was the most expensive thing he’d ever tried to take. Once he and Lup managed to snatch some sort of fancy trophy for magic off someone who had the bad luck of showing them some underhanded hospitality. That had supported them for almost a year. It must have been worth more than this.

What Taako did not account for was the fact that that this particular pen was under surveillance by the tiefling shop owner who had some sort of thing against alien elves and had been watching him since he’d entered the store.

Idiot. Taako’d gotten rusty with his sleight of hand over the cycles. A natural one that caused him to knock over an entire display and boldly hold up the pen he was palming for the entire store to see did not help in the slightest.

And that’s how Taako ended up sitting in a shitty cell at the local militia station waiting for his family to come get him.

“Sorry Luce. Looks like Lup’s gonna be cooking your birthday dinner tonight,” Taako lamented to the ceiling. “I know she can’t possibly perfect your favorite apple rose pie I make but it will have to do.”

He threw his arm over his face dramatically and peaked over just enough to see the guard’s reaction. Nothing. Well Taako was nothing if not persistent.

“I wish I could be there for your fiftieth birthday, Lucretia. Humans live such short lives and I don’t want to miss such an important occasion.”

The guard shuffled in place ever so slightly.

“I just didn’t have the money to afford that pen. And I know you’ve wanted one for so long. I thought I could pay the store back when I came into the money. But alas,” Taako flopped into the most ridiculously tragic poses he possibly could on the tiny bench, “it seems the law has no consideration for sentimental emotion.”

“Shut up in there,” the guard banged on the bars with his spear, startling Taako out of his dramatics.

Taako huffed in announce. Fine. Don’t entertain him. He’d be out of here by tonight whether everyone else came for him or not. He eyed the bars up near the ceiling and shifted his foot and leg around the spare wand stored in his boot.

Should’ve searched me, he thought smuggle at the guard.

But apparently there’d be no need for that as a call of, “Where are you keeping my brother!” echoed down the halls of the jail.

“I’m about ten minutes from blowing this popsicle stand, kemosabe,” Taako announced, popping up off the bench and going up to the front of the cell.

“Down here, Lup!” he called, waving an arm between the the bars and pressing his face as close as possible to see her.

“Quit it,” the guard snapped and smacked Taako’s hand with the edge of his spear.

Taako hissed at the tiny nick it left.

“Asshole,” he mumbled, shaking his hand out.

Boots thunking down the hall accompanied by a few shouts of protest from other members of the militia preceded Lup’s appearance in front of the cell. Her face instantly softened when she saw Taako.

“Hey bro. They treat’n you well?” She grinned and leaned her forearms against the bars and above her head, despite the noises of complaint from the guard.

“Eh,” Taako shrugged. “Not much different than back home. Cold cell, moody guards.” He grinned in the man’s direction, provoking a scowl.

“Dav’s out at the desk getting everything in order. What’d you do?”

“Stole a pen, knocked over some stuff, tried to run. The usual.”

“Why the hell were you stealing a pen?”

“For Luce. You started work on the shrimp scampi and pie, right?”

“What do you take me for? Of course I did.” She reached forward to lightly punch him in the shoulder. Taako snickered and leaned against the bars, facing the direction of the entrance.

“So, uh,” he started, “how long is this whole business gonna take? I still gotta get something for Luce.”

“Davenport said it’d only take a few minutes. How much was the pen that you went to steal it?”

“400.”

Lup whistled. “Damn.”

“It was exactly her style, though.”

“Well Mag’s been doing some work at the local pet shelter. He might have something. And Davenport is using this cycle to sell some old stuff. Maybe we could all pitch in?”

Taako rolled his eyes. “We’ve gone soft, Lu.”

“There’s nothing wrong with having the money to buy stuff instead of stealing. Stealing makes this happen.” She gestured to the jail around them.

“Whatever you say, Lulu.”

The sharp click of boots coming down the hall accompanied by a set of louder thuds announced Davenport’s completion of whatever paperwork and fines he had to get through. He appeared around the hall accompanied by the half-orc lady who’d personally and quite literally tossed Taako in here. He had a bruise or two to prove it. He decided to give her a very smug glare.

She glared right back.

“It seems you’ve been released on a technicality, elf,” she growled down at him, not quite moving to open the door.

“I did tell you I would be out by tonight,” Taako purred back. “And it’s Taako, by the way. You know? From TV?”

She bared her teeth and pulled the keys from her belt. As soon as the door was unlocked, Lup pulled it open the rest of the way and tackled Taako in a hug.

“Hachi machie!” Taako stumbled under her weight. “I’ve been in here for, like, half and hour.”

“Yeah I know,” Lup pulled away and dragged him out with her.

Davenport stared sternly up at him, arms crossed and foot tapping.

“Hey…” Taako rubbed at the back of his neck, “Dav…”

“We can talk about it on the ship,” Davenport said definitively before turning and marching out.

Taako shrugged towards Lup and the two of them followed him out.

~~~~~

Back at the ship Taako managed to just barely wrangle the funds he needed for the pen properly and sent Lup down to get it while he finished fixing the disaster she’d left in the kitchen. The sauce didn’t have nearly enough lime and way too much garlic. It was really such a burden being the better cook in the family, always fixing her mistakes.

Lucretia wandered in just as he was pulling the pie out of the oven to cool.

“How was jail, Taako?”

Taako shrugged nonchalantly and pulled off the oven mitts. “It was fine. The guard was boring.”

Lucretia snickered and jotted something down in her notebook, periodically shaking her pen to the side when it stopped working.

“I thought Davenport was going to explode when he heard what happened. He kept going on and on about behavior on my birthday and you putting off your shenanigans for one day.”

“Nothing exists that’s strong enough to keep Taako out of trouble.”

“Clearly.”

Taako’s ear flicked in Lucretia’s direction as she approached to survey his culinary mastery. He barely restrained himself from smacking her hand with the spoon when she reached to taste the sauce, instead opting for simply pushing it to the side.

“Wait until dinner, old lady.”

Lucretia pouted. “I’m not old, Taako.”

“Yeah yah are. Fifty’s old for humans, right?”

“I’m not really fifty. It doesn’t really count.”

“I mean. We’re stuck doing this for probably the rest of time so it counts as much as it’s ever gonna, right?”

Lucretia’s pout melted into something laced with sorrow. Her crossed arms fell to grip at her robes. “You really think we’re never gonna beat it? We’ll keep cycling and running forever?”

Taako paused his work, only leaving his hand to stir the sauce so it didn’t burn. He glanced over to Lucretia, fifty years old and still as young as the nineteen year old baby she was when they left. He sighed and resumed working.

“You know I’m not good at this stuff, Luce,” he mumbled lifting the spoon towards her face. When she glanced at him in confusion he huffed and shoved it forward more. “It’s your birthday. I won’t tell.”

She smiled lightly, just barely reaching her eyes and accepted the offering. “Hmmm,” she hummed. “Needs less lime, more garlic.”

Taako gasped in mock offense. “How dare you. You and my sister are heathens and should not be allowed around cooking.” He reached for the garlic cloves and snapped his fingers to remove some of the lime as he said it.

Lucretia hummed her amusement and left Taako to his cooking.

~~~~~

Lup took over when she got back with the pen. She snuck it into his hand while Lucretia was in her room and made sure to insult his use of pepper before he creeped off to wrap it.

He utilized a spare scrap of cloth which he then transmuted to look like notebook paper. Cloth was so much easier to wrap things with, it didn’t tear as easily. It was very clearly still a vague oblong shape. Good. Didn’t look like he put too much effort in.

He slipped it near Lucretia’s forks on the table while setting it. Someone else could take credit for it. Maybe Barry. He chipped in the most, though no one could figure out where’d he’d gotten that much cash. He wasn’t letting anyone in on it either. All Taako did was manage to make a mess of things on one of the few important days this cycle.

Dinner was as loud an affair as always; lots of laughing and shouting, Taako bickering with Lup and Lucretia over the proper way to prepare shrimp. He thought what had been made was far too creamy and far to bland. Lucretia and Lup were extremely against this point of view, Lup because she didn’t know what she was talking about, and Lucretia because this was her birthday dinner and she wanted it prepared how she liked. No one else dared intervene.

Neither party ended up giving, but Lucretia broke between Lup and Taako just before one of them was probably going to tackle the other by announcing she was going to open her presents now. Taako sent his sister one final glaring pout before falling back into his chair, arms crossed. This wasn’t over. Lup stuck her tongue out at him.

Taako found a very interesting part of the kitchen to stare at while Lucretia opened things. His ears caught the sound of crinkling paper and saw the flash of paper out of the corner of his eye as she fiddled with the wrapped pen. Of course she’d open that one first. It was fine.

“Oh…” It wasn’t more than a whisper, but Taako’s ear flicked in Lucretia’s direction anyways.

“This is beautiful. Who, uh, who did this?”

Silence. Come on. Taako prayed someone else would take the credit. He didn’t want to have to explain how he got that thing.

“That’s Taako’s!” Damn it, Magnus.

“Taako this is so nice!” Lucretia said, he could practically hear the smile on her face.

Taako sucked a little breath in, imperceptible to anyone except maybe Lup but she could shove it, and turned to face her, chin in his hand. “Yeah, well… no big deal. Was shopping for clothes and saw it so I picked it up.”

“Taako tried to steal it.” Magnus announced from the other side of the table. Taako wanted to strangle him. Lucretia gasped and held a hand lightly to her mouth. Davenport put his head in his hands.

“That’s how you got arrested?” Lucretia was looking all worried and Taako was so not here for that. He huffed and turned away again.

“Just a dumb slip up. Like I said, not a big deal.” He waved his hand nonchalantly, hoping she’d drop it.

“Taako’s lost his touch. Can’t even take a pen without getting caught,” Lup filled in. Taako shot her a glare. She smirked.

“Taako that’s a lot of trouble to go through for me.”

Taako felt his face heating up. No. Nope. That wasn’t gonna fly. He flicked his hand under the table to throw on a quick glamor before anyone noticed. Davenport cleared his throat. Guess he noticed, but Dav wouldn’t rat him out. He turned to face Lucretia again, his best ‘i don’t care’ smile plastered across his face.

“Luce, Lucy, Lucretia,” he started leaning on his hand to convince her he wasn’t bothered, “it was fine. I’m fine. You got your pen. Everyone pitched in. You should thank Barold, really. He put in the most cash.”

“You’re the one who found the thing, Taako.” Barry mumbled from where he was studying his notes about… something. Taako’d get Barry to tell him about what he was doing later. “It’s your gift.”

Taako pursed his lips and sent a death glare in Barry’s direction. “I’m going to get the pie ready,” he declared as he swiped his plate from the table.

As he passed Lucretia’s chair he heard her just barely say, “Thank you, Taako.”

He couldn’t quite help the little smile that crept on his face as he left the dining room.


End file.
